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Friday, December 27th, 2002
11:50 pm

(in a small journal)

It's been a banner weekend for me, hasn't it?

First getting the Dark Mark, and now the oh so brillant pleasure of attending the year-end holiday party at the Ministry of Magic. Why Father even wanted to attend I don't really understand--he thinks 95% of the employees idiots and fools. Then again, he's political enough to know that you need the support of others (even idoits) to gain/keep power, and if chatting them up is what get results, then so be it. I had to come because I was to make allies of my own, to faciliate my own inevitable career in the Ministry. My complaince with his command lasted all of a half hour, before I spotted the youngest Weasley standing beneath a bundle of leaves.

Ginny had been dragged along as I had been--neither of us know why. The poor thing feels rather suffocated by the fact that she's expected to bring the next brood of Weasley's into the world. I can't say I blame her.

Curiosity then got to me, so I asked about the decorations--all of her father's doing--and she said it was something called Mistletoe and that you were supposed to kiss.

Why should I turn up a kiss from a willing person, even if she is a Weasley, and a girl. It was nice. We decided to then ditch the party, although we didn't really have many options: face the bitter weather outside, or find a room to hole up in. The room won.

When I first got the room, I didn't really have the intentions of sleeping with her, things just progressed that way. The absolute freedom to pick who I lay with, the ability to get hard without turning furry, the ability to gain release without the permission of another...the opportunity was there, and I seized it, because she was willing. I did nothing against her will. She wanted it. She wanted me. And it was bliss. Although her hand fumbled around my prick, the willing touch of another person, a touch that isn't full of mockery at my state...it was amazing, and I have no regrets for what I have done. Rather, the only thing I regret is that in another day I won't have the ability to make these choices again. I'll again be under the control of another.

It's downright depressing when I think of it, so I'm not going to.

As we recovered, I realized that we needed to get down to the party--we'd been up there far longer then I originally planned. We took a shower together. So far, all was well. My luck ran out when I was getting dressed.

She saw a piece of my Mark.

I tried to deny it, but I finally gave in, when she figured it out for herself.

She says that she still thinks I'm the most "real" person she knows and that she won't tell anyone my secret.

For some reason, I'm inclined to trust her. I'll still watch her though. I must, my own safety and my secret is more important than any feelings, then any personal relations. I know this lesson all too well.

We made it back to the party, and it appears that the idiot, Arthur is none the wiser that his daughter was gone for as long as we were.

I was not so lucky.

My father found me almost right away. I proceeded to get a long lecture as soon as we got home. I was just lucky we came down when we did. A few more minutes and he would have found us in the room. And that would have been a disaster.

I hear Father coming upstairs. I'd better get to bed. Father in an angry mood is just...well yes.

Not a good thing.


current mood: contemplative

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11:38 pm

*writing in a personal journal*

It's been a long couple of months. I'm home now, for the holidays. Keeping mostly to myself, as has become my regular habit as this year draws to a close. I'm almost sure that I wouldn't know any of my old friends now. I don't think I even know my own brother anymore. I barely even seen Ron these days. I stopped writing to Fred and George, a fact that they were sure to berate me for once I saw them. I don't know. Somehow I just feel so... discontent, with everything. There's a certain peace that comes with being disconnected, thought, and perhaps that's why I keep on as I do.

There was a Christmas party for the Ministry a few days ago, on the 22nd. Father pretty much forced me to go with him. Who knows why. It's not as if he can pretend I'm going to follow in his footsteps, like he could with Ron or something. I was almost certain I was going to be the only employee child there, but I wasn't. Draco was there too. He approached me and we talked for a moment, before he kissed me under the mistletoe (muggle tradition), and then we quietly left the party. He got us a room (the party was being held at a hotel) and we spent more time talking to one another, before it turned into... well. More.

I think about it now, and it's very obvious how the night was going to turn out. I feel a little naive for not suspecting anything until he was kissing me and touching me in places I've never been touched before. Needless to say, he was my first. I'm not stupid, I know I'm not the first girl Draco has taken the virginity of, but I wasn't thinking about that when he was inside of me. It was actually hard to concentrate on much else other than the intense feelings, emotions. Things I'd never felt before. It hurt at first, like sharp, stabbing pains, but then it was... nice. And after nice it was just... amazing. There aren't really words for it. I was lost in him. It was incredible.

Afterwards we hurried to get a shower in and get back down to the party, and that's when I noticed it.

The Dark Mark.

Draco bears the Dark Mark.

After that it was quite uncomfortable and tense between us. I agreed to keep his secret, and I intend to hold to that. I went back down to the party and didn't see him after that. Now I'm just... lost, about everything. I have so many questions and doubts about myself, my choices of late, and what's to become of me. I'm finding that the path I once wanted to follow is now the one I fear the most. Draco Malfoy is supposed to be my enemy and I gave myself to him freely, without thinking twice about it. I ask myself now, would I do it again, knowing who he is, what he is to become, and I do not know if I would answer no.

I think I may just need some more time to think about things, some more time to myself. And, with the holidays, I should have time to do just that.

*closes the journal and puts it in the top drawer of her desk*

current mood: contemplative

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Monday, December 23rd, 2002
5:33 pm

I'm a Death Eater now.

Father had me get dressed last night in my new robes, and took me to the old Riddle House. I was brought into somekind of sitting room that only held two chairs, a small table, and a fireplace.

He offered me a seat and began to quiz me, about the Ministry. About Dumbledore. About the Dark Arts.

I have to get tutoring in the Dark Arts from Snape, because evidentally my knowledge is lacking. I'll talk to him about it next time I see him.

We talked about the spell Snape placed on me. He graciously modified the spell. I can now get hard without turning into a ferret, but now He holds the key to getting...satisfied. However, I have two days to "rediscover" my sexuality, as he puts it, before I again become an enforced celibate.


Surely there's a better way to teach me self-control?


And then...then there were the two muggles. A ten year old boy, and a young teenage girl, thirteen, maybe fourteen. The final test he gave me.

Avada Kevedra, of course.

There is something decidely eerie about seeing the spell not work...feeling the girl's pulse slowly beat. It was disturbing and unreal. I was almost relieved when she died on the second try, so she was out of whatever limbo I put her in.

It is still not normal. I know the girl is dead, but I'm still waiting for the reality that it was me...it was my wand that made her that way to sink in. I'm not sure if I want it to. It's somehow easier to deal with in this state of unreality.

So...here I am.

A Death Eater.

What now?

current mood: numb

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Monday, December 16th, 2002
12:16 am

Dumbledore's death still comes to me as a surprise. The old bat seemed healthy enough that he'd be around for another ten years at the very least.

Father seems quite surprised as well. He tried to get Snape posted into Dumbledore's place, but I suppose the Chamber of Secrets removing Dumbledore bit still stings and he got no where. The Ministry will announce McGongall taking Dumbledore's place tomorrow, and from what I understand, Professor Snape will be promoted to Deputy.

To be honest, I'm relieved that he's not the new Headmaster. Look at what he's getting away with doing now. If he were Headmaster, I can't imagine what he could do to me. Being a ferret is troublesome enough.

In other news, Father says something is going on with Lord Voldemort. Meetings have decreased lately, although they are better planned. I suppose I'll find out for myself soon enough. Solstice is in a week.

In a week I get my Mark.

At this point I'm just numb...accepting my fate. And maybe I'll ask my Father for something he hasn't been willing to get me before. After all, if becoming a Death Eater doesn't make me a man, what will?

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Thursday, December 12th, 2002
11:20 pm

Well. I've been here a week, already. It certainly doesn't feel like it's been that long, especially the way classes seem to be running. It's rather nice to be back, I suppose, despite everything.

Too bad the first week is being marred by this. A summons from Dumbledore for a chat.

This will be interesting, to say the least.

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Friday, December 6th, 2002
10:20 pm - ADMIN

Although normally these posts are locked, I've decided to make this one public, because I know that we have some people who watch our humble game and I thought that this might interest them.

As of a short time ago, alymalone has decided to leave the game. This means we need a new Ronald Weasley.

A new Ron would be expected to follow the basic plot set up by Aly. This includes:

-occasional issues due to two months of forgotten memories

-tenuous relationship with Hermione. Ron/Hermione shipper a plus

-bisexual!Ron. Is/was in a relationship with Seamus, but since his player is pretty much on hiatus at the moment, the new person can do as they wish with this plot line.

Although atypical for our game, the new Ron would be required to audition in a short scene with probably Draco & Hermione, just to ensure compatability :)


An LJ and an IM are required to play. Journal/Screen name for the character are not necessary, you may use your personal if you so choose.

This is an adult game. Characters do have sex, if you are underage or this squicks you out, this is not the game for you.

If you have any questions or you are interested in playing Ron please feel free to IM me at Evil Lady Lance or to email me at oshunanat @ livejournal.com

You may (and I would appreciate) crossposting this notice to any relevent places or your own journal; so long as it isn't breaking any list rules. :)


current mood: adminy

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4:21 pm - (*gasp!* He updates!)

Hee, what a couple of weeks. *smirks*

I've gone out on a few dates with Bill. Like him lots. *nod* Never a dull moment with him. But then there's Flint, who I haven't seen for a while. And that rune thing. *blinks* Um.

Students are more behaved than I expected. *shrugs*

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3:36 am

*breathes in*

Ah, Hogwarts.

*looks around*

Hasn't changed much, I think. Well, except for Binns. Lucky for me he finally realized that he was dead and moved on.

It's going to be an... interesting year. I'm very much looking forward to this.

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Thursday, December 5th, 2002
2:39 am - So.

It appears that I really am Snape's bitch.

Stupid ink that Potter used. I've tried all the cleaning charms that I know and it stillhasn't come off. I suppose it'll wear off on it's own in a few days. Thank Merlin for the privacy of the Prefect's bathroom. It's bad enough that the school has some idea of what went on, it'd be even worse if they actually saw what Potter did.

At any rate, Snape called me in for a "meeting" about what went on today...bloody thing turned into an interrogation. He tied me to the chair not one minute into me going into his office! I managed to convince him that I hadn't told anyone about our relationship (and really, why would I say something, with everything else that has gone on, I highly doubt that Dumbledork would approve of a teacher/student relationship)...yet he still left me tied up so he could go to some meeting with McGonagall about how Potter's left Gryffindor with no points!

I was left for *hours* in there like that! Do you have any idea how incredibly boring that was? It was so dull and so long that I actually fell asleep!

At any rate, he woke up. Wanted a blow job. I gave him one, of course, because, did I mention that I really am Snape's bitch? The potion he gave me the other day makes it so he is the only person I can excited by and not turn furry. I'm pretty sure that if he doesn't get release then I sure as hell won't either. Although I may not be able to do anything about it, I'm going to do my best to enjoy it--and have a little fun back. I think he rather appreciated the charm I used as I left. Heh.


I really should go do that reading for Potions. Pop quiz and all. Blah

current mood: determined

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Sunday, December 1st, 2002
11:09 pm - Funny what a mug of butterbeer can do

Apparently, I've got a date with Wood tomorrow. ::chuckles::

I was simply heading back to my chambers to retire for the evening when I bumped into him in the corridor. A mug of butterbeer and a bit of a chat about flying later, he was asking me if I was asking him on a date. I was simply talking about doing some flying, but I was certainly flattered at the idea. So...a date I have. ::shrugs and grins, slipping out of his leather pants and the rest of clothes and sliding between the sheets::

::chuckles again:: A date....

current mood: amused

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Wednesday, November 27th, 2002
11:52 am - Surprise, surprise

::Puts his feet up on the desk, leans back in his chair, and stretches languidly, leather pants creaking softly with the movement. He surveys the books and parchments that litter the tabletop as he prepares for the lessons he'll be teaching in the upcoming term.::

I can't wait to see the look on Ron's face when he walks into my classroom. I hope he doesn't know yet; Mum and Dad have done their best to keep it a secret, though I'm not sure about Percy. When he heard the news, well...::chuckles::

You? A professor? Defense Against the Dark Arts, no less? You, with that...that hair and that earring and those...those pants and that motorcyle!

::laughs:: I got rid of the hair, as it was getting rather old, but the pants and the motorcycle? Never.

And he wondered about the safety of my students as well. After all, I was just a curse breaker for the bank. ::shakes his head:: But Percy quickly learned that things aren't always what they seem.

After all...if the identity of every Auror who worked for the Ministry was known, it would make things quite difficult, wouldn't it?

::Packs up his books and parchments with a smile and sets off to wander about the grounds, wondering how much it's changed since he's seen it last.::

current mood: amused

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Tuesday, November 26th, 2002
7:43 pm

Granger has stayed suspiciously quiet the past few days; I suppose she got hit harder then originally intended. Oh well, the mudblood needed to be knocked down a few pegs anyway.

It appears that Hogwarts has gotten two new professors in the past few days. Flint has come back to teach flying...I can't believe that they are letting him near first years. Things won't survive more then a few days, I'm sure. At least he looks half way decent now. Bleached out his hair and fixed his teeth. I'm still not sure how a pureblood family managed to have someone looking so mangled as he. And apparently he has the hots for me. He keeps leering at me and blowing kisses.

How disgusting.

I'm really not interested in him at all; I still remember how he looked during my first year. Oh well. It also appears that he wants to fuck Wood, the other new teacher. I forget what he's supposed to be doing here, I was too busy annoying Granger. ::shrugs::

Oh well. Must be off. Halls to wander, Hufflepuffs to deduct points from, Gryffindors to give detention to. You know how it goes.

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10:34 pm

I've barely left my room the last week and a half. I'm constantly making excuses about schoolwork, but in all honesty, I simply don't want to see anyone. Ron and Harry can see through my lies, I know that. Especially Ron. I avoid him as much as I can, I just. I can't look at him. It bloody hurts. He's my best friend, he's the one I love, and I cannot stand to see his face. Far worse than that, I can't tell him why I don't want to be around him. He can't know, Harry can't know, no one can know. It's so horribly embarrassing.

I'm actually slipping in my studies, I can't seem to concentrate on a single thing during class. This is awful. I always thought I hated Malfoy when I was younger, but now I've come to understand the true meaning of hate. This is above and beyond insults. I'm not myself and it's his bloody fault. I do blame myself as well, because I should have known it was all too good to be true. It was perfect, just as I'd always imagined. It was too perfect, I think. Hindsight has allowed me to notice things that I hadn't during the moment, and it was bloody ridiculous of me to believe it to be real.

I'm not certain how much longer I can stand this, honestly. It's becoming quite difficult to come up with plausible explanations as to why I don't want to be around my two best friends. I should tell someone, just so that I won't have to deal with it alone. But there are only two people I trust enough, and they simply cannot know.

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7:23 pm

*sets down the bag-o-runes on the grass in the courtyard and looks around, sighing and starts to feel a little nostalgic, but ready to teach students to identify and use runes*

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Saturday, November 23rd, 2002
8:47 pm

::wandering the grounds, he is happy to be back and very much looking forward to teaching certain students more than just flying::

current mood: naughty

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Wednesday, November 20th, 2002
12:32 pm - So.

Things have been going well lately, or at least so I think. Let me count the ways:

1. Granger has kept her mouth shut. I'm a little surprised perhaps, since Gryffindors can't seem to keep their mouth shut any longer then absolutely necessary. I would say something about getting away with it, but I know better then to brag. I'll just be quietly pleased with myself.

2. Dad has given me some new books because he's proud of what I've done. They're some Dark Arts books, one that I've seen on the shelves of his library that I've never been allowed to touch. I'm quite honored really. Of course, they came with a note warning me that if I so much as got a crumb on them he'd string me up by my heels and flog me. Well, not literally, but I really don't want to see what he'd do because it'd probably be worse then that.

3. I've gotten to shag Snape in his office. Or rather he shagged me. Or perhaps most accurate, I rode him, and only that was after I had to suck him off and touch myself to get off. Singularly humiliating, yet exciting at the same time. If he'd let me, I think I'd play again. Maybe without the nipple clamps, but I somehow doubt I'll get much say in it. He really does get off on hurting and controlling me. *shrug* It feels good, and I know he won't really hurt me, so for now I'll keep playing the game.

Bugger. Must be off. I hear Parkinson calling my name, joy.

current mood: busy

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Friday, November 15th, 2002
4:41 pm

For once in my life I think I'm very much out of the loop.

Not much as gone on these past couple of weeks. I had a talk with Ron and watched a muggle movie with Draco all in the same night a couple of weeks ago, but other than that, I've been pretty much keeping to myself. I'm not sure it's so much that I want to be alone as it is everyone is just so busy or caught up in whatever is going on in their own lives.

Maybe I am being avoidant. Especially when it concerns Draco. Things are so confusing when it comes to him. Not just things. Everything. It's like my brain is telling me not to fall for his charms but my heart is stronger than my head and I just fall all over myself whenever I'm around him. Is this what falling in love is like? Oh Gods, I hope not. Falling in love with Draco Malfoy would be emotional suicide.

I guess I've just been feeling a bit lonely lately. I suppose that's what happens when most of the people you know are a year ahead of you. Harry, Ron, and Hermione have their impenetrable trio. Draco has his Slytherins. I'm not sure I know where I fit in anymore. Lord, even I have to sit back and scoff at myself over that. I've never let any kind of self-defeatist attitude get me down before. Merlin knows why I've started now. I've probably just caught myself in a mood.

Anyway, there's studying to do, materials to read, letters to write (I haven't sent one off to Fred and George in quite a while). Distractions are certainly never a bad thing.

current mood: apathetic

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Thursday, November 14th, 2002
11:47 am - note on the bed


I've taken the liberty of "borrowing" a pair of your underwear, as for various reasons I won't be able to wear my boxers tomorrow.

If you truly do miss (which I would find rather surprising given your love of wearing nothing under your robes) it, I'll get you a new pair the next time I go to Hogsmeade


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Wednesday, November 13th, 2002
10:13 am - Erm, should I be apologising?

I know I haven't exactly been the most dilligent member of this little project - I haven't posted in a while, so I thought I'd make contrition by posting right now.
My local priest would probably tell me to say seven Hail Mary's, but he's not exactly here, so instead I ask for your (indulgent) forgiveness. Admittedly, you probably all know the reason I've been so inattentive...

Yeah, I've been flat out copying out notes for Ron and helping him catch up...in everything.

Well, as nice as it would be to see you all turn green right now, I should really dash off.

And Blaise? We need to talk.

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Monday, November 11th, 2002
4:40 pm - It's been a busy few days

[in an owl to Lucius]

I am well aware that the time of the Solstice draws near, as your letters continue to point out to me.

I do not want to leave you in suspense any longer, so I suppose now is the best time to tell you.

I will be standing with you on Solstice night, getting the Mark. I look forward to the day I can serve the Dark Lord with pride as we work to put the Muggles in their place.

Your son,

*Draco seals the letter nervously, before attaching it to his eagle owl and sending it off*

One difficult part down, only so many more to go. I hope I can make Dumbledore and Snape proud. I know that the road ahead will be difficult to say the least, but I think it's the right one for me.

Let's hope that this is the right decision.

current mood: anxious

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